Friday, September 20, 2013

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Top 50 fun Chuck Norris jokes

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Here is the most top 50 fun Chuck Norris jokes , enjoy :-

1- Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

2- The only thing better than Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris on TV, talking about Chuck Norris.

3- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

4- Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

5- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

6- Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

7- Chuck Norris doesn't get the belt, the belt get Chuck Norris.

8- Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

9- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

10- When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.

11- Chuck Norris once went back in time to fight Chuck Norris. He won.

12- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

13- What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

14- When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

15- Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

16- Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

17- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

18- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

19- Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

20- The adjective "perfect" originated when Chuck Norris gave his penis a nickname.

21- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

22- The bermuda triangle is a myth. That's just were Chuck Norris practices his round house kicks.

23- The Titanic didn't sink by hitting an iceberg, it really hit Chuck Norris' chin as he was making his usual laps around the North Atlantic.

24- When Chuck Norris talks to a Russian He doesn't speak Russian. The Russian, speaks Chuck Norris

25- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage

Top 50 fun Chuck Norris jokes

26- Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because it implies the possibility of failure Chuck Norris goes killing.

27- When you are Chuck Norris every light claps on and off.

28- Crop circles are just Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lay the [censored] down.

29- it only takes chuck Norris 1 lick to get to the center of a tootsie pop

30- If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars...Chuck Norris has more money than you.

31- Chuck Norris is not in your extended network, you are in his

32- Brokeback Mountain is not the name of a movie, it is the pile of dead ninjas in Chuck Norris' backyard

33- Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.

34- When Bruce Willis gets mad, he turns into The Incredible Hulk. When The Incredible Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris

35- Chuck Norris knows the last two digits of Pi

36- Chuck Norris figured out a way to make his dink 10 inches long. He folded it in half.

37- Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

38- Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

39- "Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

40- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

41- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

42- Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made of real cowboys

43- Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

44- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

45- Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

46- Chuck Norris once ate 4 turtles whole. When he crapped them out, they all knew karate, and they are now known as The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

47- Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.

48- Chuck Norris does not have a religion. The gods worship Chuck Norris.

49- Guns kill 12 people a day. chuck Norris kills 20.

50- When Chuck Norris goes hunting he shoots himself in the leg to give the bear a head start.

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